Field of Incompetence

Excuse me while I vent...

Suppose you're a group of 3 filthy rich guys who are looking around for something cool to spend your money on. The local major league baseball team is in financial trouble, so you think to yourself, "Hey, cool. I've always wanted to be a professional sports team owner, and I'm loaded, so why not buy the team?" So, suppose you do go ahead and buy a controlling interest. Seems like a good idea because the team is just one year removed from a magical season that ended with a thrilling come-from-behind Game 7 World Series win. You can't lose, right?

Well, you probably won't lose any money on the deal because professional sports teams seem to be cash generators, despite their constant whining about financial problems and high player salaries. But, if you're not careful, you could show just how incompetent you are, and in the process, alienate an entire city who used to love your team.

Here's how you'd go about it:

• Take a controlling interest while the team is still loaded with World Series-winning talent, including two of the greatest pitchers to ever play the game.
• Trade away Pitcher #1 (Curt Schilling) to the Boston Red Sox for essentially nothing in return. Claim it has to be done for the financial survival of the team.
• Trade away 6 of the core members of the team that won the World Series for 1 supposed superstar slugger, Richie Sexson. Pay Sexson almost $9 million and sign him to just 1 year.
• Watch the $9-million Man go down with a dislocated shoulder after about the 20th game of the season. Wait for him to recover, and rush him back, probably before he's ready.
• Watch the $9-million Man play about 3 more games, then go down again with another dislocated shoulder. Watch him sit on the bench for the rest of the season. 23 games. $9 million. Fail to sign him to a new contract for the next season.
• Get frustrated as the team, without superstar pitcher #1, without 6 core team members, and without the superstar slugger struggles to win many games.
• Fire the manager who brought the World Series title home in his first year, but who is struggling to win any games with the farm team he's been handed.
• Act surprised and disappointed when the Hall of Famer, Robin Yount, quits his coaching position with the team in protest over the manager's firing.
• Replace the manager, Bob Brenly, with the 3rd Base coach who is a really nice guy, but who doesn't have a minute of major league managing experience under his belt. Expect him to be able to turn around the fortunes of a team that was decimated by bad trades.
• Get annoyed with the founder of the team and local sports icon, Jerry Colangelo, for disagreeing with some of your decisions (because, after all, your decisions have been so spot on so far). Force him out in a power play.
• Replace Mr. Colangelo with a big-time sports agent, Jeff Moorad, who has no experience managing a professional sports team and who is hated by the management of most other teams. Act surprised when MLB refuses to authorize Mr. Moorad to become the team's new CEO.
• Hobble through to the end of the season and promise the fans that the next year will not be a "rebuilding" year, but a "reloading" year. Cuz that sounds so much better.
• Hire a new manager, Wally Backman, but fail to do any kind of background check on the guy. Realize the next day, only after the local newspaper exposes the story, that your new manager has been convicted and/or accused of all kinds of petty crimes, and some not-so-petty ones. Fire his ass 2 days after you hired him.
• As part of the re-loading you promised, spend the entire winter trying to engineer a trade that will send possibly one of the top 5 pitchers ever to play the game, Randy Johnson (who just happened to pitch a perfect game last season), to the Yankees in return for a mediocre pitcher and some cash. (And, start figuring out how you're going to market the team next year without the franchise player.)
• Convince the fans that the trade makes sense because you're going to use it to free up money to sign another superstar slugger, Shawn Green, but then fail to convince Green to accept the trade by offering him only half of his current salary.

That story, as sad as it is, is true and pretty much proves that yeah, you actually could lose if you decided to buy a baseball team but you had no clue what to do with it.