My "Starbucks" Name

Awhile back, I wrote a post about how difficult it can be to live with the name of "Todd." I had another experience this week (the same experience happens all the time) that reminded me why I hate my name sometimes.

I visited one of my favorite fast-food restaurants for lunch (their Pollo Bowls are yummy and even relatively healthy) yesterday and had what has unfortunately become the standard experience:

I order my Pollo Bowl, pay my money, and grit my teeth because I know what's coming next. They ask for my name. They like to avoid assigning numbers, apparently, so as to be a little more personal. Nothing wrong with that except for the fact that I can never manage to enunciate my name clearly enough for them to get it.

They always end up butchering it and then, when my order is ready, they yell out, "Tood (or Tom or Ted or the one I hate the worst, Tad), your order is ready!"

I don't know what it is, but the name "Todd" just doesn't carry well, especially when the ambient noise level is pretty high. It comes out sounding like "tah". It also probably doesn't help matters that the workers are generally not primarily English speakers, which makes the name sound even more confusing to them.

I've decided that I need to come up with my own "Starbucks" name. Grace, on Will and Grace, this season had a cup of Starbucks coffee with someone else's name written on it (I'll just say it was "Priscilla" for now since I can't remember exactly what it was). When questioned about why her Starbucks cup had the name "Priscilla" on it, Grace replied that "Priscilla" was her Starbucks' name. Like, it was cool to use a fake name at Starbucks.

While I don't think "Priscilla" is particularly appropriate in this case, I'm trying to decide what name I should use in the future to avoid the whole "Todd" aggravation. I have a friend who always uses the name "Kennedy" even though his real name is "Marty" (which isn't even hard to enunciate or difficult to hear), so that's out. I'm thinking maybe "Jason" will work. That's fairly easy to enunciate clearly and most guys named Jason are hot. So, I'd feel good about it.

Comments

[Atlanta Todd]

You too?!?!? I thought it was my enunciation! Hmmm... this Starbucks name is a great idea. I'll put some thought into it this week.

[enviroboi]

I've always thought "Todd" is kind of hot in a gutteral monosyllabic, easy to yell out in the heat of passion way, like the names of the Clan in "Clan of the Cave Bear" [y'know: Brun, Broc, Creb ...]. However, if you're unhappy with your hot-sounding name, I also think "Kevin" and "Scott" are v. hot names.

[Todd]

I'm also thinking maybe "Buckaroo." Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? ;)

[Skippy]

I think you should use Parker....if you don't, I will ;)

Skip

[Lee]

What about "Spike"? It could also double as a porn name as well.

[Scott C]

Gee, I am thinking of going to Starbucks tonight, I should try it. Funny thing is when I give my real name, sometimes they call "Todd" even though my name is Scott....

[Todd Jasko]

Todd--I think you may appreciate this list my friend (also Todd) and I have compiled over the last few years...

The Name Todd

Why having the name "Todd" sucks

One might think that a name that comes from the Latin word meaning "fox" would be a great one to have. According to the 1990 census, Todd was the 88th most common male first name in the United States. So if there are so many Todds out there, why does it suck to have this name? There are two reasons. First, there are no nicknames for Todd. I once looked up Todd in a book of names and the only nickname listed was "Toby". How can a nickname be longer than the name itself? And doesn't Toby sound like the fat kid in the back of the class with a stain on his shirt?

Second, the entertainment industry has decided that everyone named Todd will be the biggest loser in every show, movie, or commercial in which the name appears. There are tons of examples. I decided last night, after a glaring example on "Andy Richter Controls the Universe", that I would start to keep track of the many uses of the name "Todd" to depict the annoying guy, the loser, the jerk, the wimp, the snob, etc. So anyway, enjoy the list.

Unfavorable Use of the Name "Todd":

1. In Christmas Vacation, Clark's uppity annoying neighbor is Todd
2. On the animated series "3 South" on MTV, the dorky albino RA in the dorm is Todd
3. On a recent radio commercial for one of those new malt beverages (maybe Baccardi Silver, Smirnoff Ice, Skyy Blue?), Todd introduces himself to a woman before and after drinking the beverage. The "before Todd" stutters and explains how his name has "two D's", not one, and generally makes a fool of himself.
4. One of Flanders' kids on "The Simpsons" is Todd. This one is a strike against the name Rod, too.
5. On "Saturday Night Live", Chris Kattan's character on "Goth Talk" is named Todd.
6. George Carlin has a bit which is entirely devoted to slandering people with the name Todd.
7. On "Beavis and Butthead", the white trash ex-convict that Beavis and Butthead look up to is Todd. This one is almost good, but I don't think anyone besides Beavis and Butthead want to be like this Todd.
8. On "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" (aired 12/27/2002), Todd is the office worker who has to blackmail his officemates to hang out with him. This Todd was truly creepy.
9. A recent commercial depicted Todd as the guy who spent too much money on his car. To pay the bills, he had to deliver pizza.
10. In the movie Go, there is a drug dealer named Todd.
11. In Apt Pupil, an unassuming high school student named Todd gradually transforms into a vicious Nazi.
12. A book called The Lime-Tree Bower by Julian Fong has a character named Todd. He is a balding, suicidal grocery clerk.
13. A recent television commercial has a Todd going on a blind date. He is dressed poorly, overweight, and balding. His date answers the door and in a very disappointed tone says, "You must be Todd." He backs the car out of the driveway and starts driving to the date backwards. When asked why he's doing this, he says he needs to save mileage on his car.
14. On the TV show "Scrubs", Todd is the surgical resident who is a annoying, chauvinistic, and stupid.
15. Todd Bridges. No explanation necessary.
16. The cheerleader character played by Will Farrell on SNL (the one with the back hair) is named Todd.
17. In the early days of SNL, Bill Murray's nerd character was supposedly named Todd.
18. There's a bad Tom Arnold movie named Carpool and in this movie, during a an armed robbery, the store clerk, an effeminate dork named Todd, says, "I refuse to die in a polyester suit!"
19. On one episode of the American version of the show The Office, Michael's friend who is the obnoxious, sexist salesman is named Todd.
20. In My Blue Heaven, Steve Martin's character claims his name is Todd which is "Italian for extra special."
21. On an episode of "Felicity", Todd is a dorky kid Felicity knew from high school who comes out to try to win her love. He has absolutely no luck and after Felicity tells him it's not going to happen, he promptly gets hit by a New York City bus.
22. Christopher Walken's weird gay son in Wedding Crashers is a Todd.
23. On the website for the American version of "The Office", Dwight has a blog. After receiving a message from someone named Todd, Dwight responds: "did you know that "Todd" is German for "death"?
24. On an episode of Seinfeld, Elaine is dating a guy who wants to change his name. He has a list of names and when he suggests Todd, Elaine emphatically says "NO!"
25. In Zoolander, Will Farrell's character has an assitant named Todd. Todd and Will Farrell obviously have more than just a professional relationship.
26 The jackass in the Bud Light commercials who does things like "staying past 5pm on a Friday" is named Todd.
27. This is a pretty obscure one: on an episode of "Tom Goes to the Mayor" (part of Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network), Todd is Joy's completely obnoxious ex-husband who justifies all his annoying behavior with "it's okay, I'm a filmmaker."
28. On Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Todd Duncan is the show's "internet expert" and is portrayed as a stereotypical computer nerd. He conducts an experiment to see what happens if you google "google". After he hits return, his building blows up.
29. On the South Park when Cartman goes to fat camp, Todd is the camper who cries to Cartman because he will "always be fat".

[Todd (Of course!)]

I've noticed for years this is true! I'm 43 and the first derogatory reference I remember is the SNL Bill Murray character "Todd Lupner." Many times the snobby tennis player is named Todd. It was so funny I found this blog. Its' all true!! Also, I get called Scott all the time. So much in fact I'm not even offended anymore.

I just found something very interesting. In the year I was born(1964) the name Todd was the 28th most popular boys name. The most popular year ever for Todd! In 2006 Todd was the 653rd (!!) most popular name. Good God! 653!! I don't even want to know what is ahead of us! I think dumb-shit was 652.

http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

However, I'm fairly well adjusted...at least the CIA agents in white coats tell me so! Then I take my pills.

[Sarah]

So, maybe this is just because I'm a female, and since I'm not anywhere close to picking out baby names yet, I haven't judged, but I've never had a negative experience with the name Todd. Since I don't know any Todds, that probably helps, but the only two Todds I can think of off the top of my head is the mid-90s Barbie doll kid (about 10) named Todd, and the Sweet Valley Twin books' character Todd. He was the long-time boyfriend of Elizabeth, the A-type twin, and in the high school version of the books, which I didn't read, was always getting screwed over by the antics of the twins, because he was the nicest nice guy you could think of. Anyways, I read the middle school version of the books as a pre-teen, and Todd was, as per his reputation, the nice kid who Elizabeth had a crush on. So, no negative Todds from this corner!

[Todd]

I'm not sure really what the problem here is my name is Todd, and I'm never concern with what other people think of my name. What does appear to me in at least two of the postings is that one is ashame of the name because of others peoples mistake in saying it proper. The second is a whatever who cares if its 88th or 653!! The listing of all movies, is another whatever I would prefer if you don't like the name change it don't lie actually go to the courts and change your name to whatever you like at least I'll have peace that people with the name Todd will not post suptid comments about there own name. But us that enjoy our name can say it proudly TODD TODD YES my name is TODD and hello to everyone.

Todd

[WE CONTROL THE HARDERSTYLES]

well
my names todd and i hate it
just today i got called tom and it shits me up the walls
that and im in a shuffle crew, everyone has sick names,
nick, jacob, porta, tiff ect.
n todd..
just todd
one sylable
BOOORING
if anyone has any GOOD name please do tell =]

[Scott-O-Rama]

Just being ornery.

P.S. My Starbucks name is Kara Thrace, but that's another story...

[Todd (Of course!)]

I've got another one for the list. In the movie RV, Robin Williams boss is named Todd...and he's a real jackass. Still a good movie.