Moral Dilemma

I'm facing a bit of a moral dilemma today. Two of my best buddies from high school (a guy and a girl) who eventually got married to each other and are now born-again conservative Christians living in the deep south, sent out an email today announcing that they have quit their jobs to go to "missionary school" (whatever that is exactly), and soliciting contributions from friends and family to support them while they attend this school.

I'm not so sure I want to contribute.

I really love these two (in a purely platonic sense, of course). I have a lot of fond memories from the old high school days of hanging out with them, doing crazy barely-legal things, dishing dirt about those of our other friends who weren't nearly as cool as us, and just generally growing up together. I'd do just about anything for them.

But, our lives went separate ways a few years after college - I obviously took the road "less traveled" - the yellow-brick road over the rainbow (or the dark road leading straight to eternal damnation according to some) as I came out of the closet and began living my life as a gay man. They, on the other hand, took the exact opposite road - that same road that George W. Bush and John Ashcroft took - and are now proud Red-Staters.

Since we live thousands of miles apart now, we never see each other anymore, but we do keep in touch and still I think mutually treasure our high school & college friendship. Despite my strongly held (pig-headed, even) beliefs, I don't tend to spout them much in casual conversation, even among friends. So, I don't think they have a clue just how deadset I am against supporting any kind of conservative, evangelical activity (especially a missionary activity whose ultimate goal is to convert even more of the world over to the intolerance and bigotry that I associate with right-wing Christianity).

I'd do just about anything for these two, but I think this is asking too much. I wish them well, and I'm sure they're becoming missionaries out of a true desire to "do good." They're probably going to think of me as a bad friend for ignoring their request for money, but I guess I'll just have to take that risk. I don't think sending them a check to make it easier for them to fight for things I abhor is something I'm willing to do. Even if it costs me a friendship.

Comments

[Beth]

The best you can do is wish them the best in their new found "calling", even though you don't go for it. From what I read, your friendship in the past wasn't founded on any financial contributions. There's no reason why it should now.

And if they did work and quit outright failing to save money for school, poor planning on their part.

I think the best thing to send is your best wishes.

[Linda]

I agree with Beth. If you feel that strongly against their cause, you definitely should not support it. They should have planned financially for their studies.

[Scott-O-Rama]

Wow... that is a tough one. I re-read your post a couple of times. Maybe I missed, but I didn't get a sense of whether or not you are "out" to these friends.

This is exactly why I think it's important that gay men and women come out to their friends and families. If your friends don't know you are gay, it is easier for them to embrace the religious-right's anti-gay stance. Knowing a gay person makes that harder... esp. when it is a friend. The religious-right would portray all gay men and women as deviants. Your friends know that you are not.

I think you should decline their request, but I think you also owe them an honest explanation as to why.

[Atlanta Todd]

I'm with Scott. If it were me, I know I would feel better (meaning I wouldn't stew about it every time the situation came to mind for the foreseeable future) if I told them that their "cause" went against my personal belief system.

Wishing you the best with this decision.

[sam]

If you want to be really ballsy, tell them you are morally opposed to their decision :-D I've been in a similar situation. I came to the conclusion that the past was in the past, though it was what it was, and that the present leaves no room for us in eachothers' lives.